Written by Fergus McCarthy
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Poo

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

image for "Capybara" Chocolate raisins in product recall after giant rodent faeces found in factory.
Capybara sleeping off a marathon chocolate binge.

Chocolate raisins have been withdrawn from supermarket shelves across Britain and Ireland after huge rat droppings were discovered under a conveyor belt in a peanut/raisin processing plant in the Midlands during a routine inspection by Food safety officials.

Production at the plant was suspended with immediate effect and Inspectors ordered a recall of all suspect produce dispatched from the factory within the last three months.

Senior Area Food Inspector Jim Gravel defended the decision to close the plant citing employee safety and public health concerns as the primary factor in any decision made by both him, and is team.

"After comparing photographs of the rat droppings found at the factory and the ones under "Rat Shit" on Google Image Search we have identified the Rodent Genus as Hydrochoerus Hydrochaeris or Capybara.

The capybara is a semi-aquatic rodent of South America. It weighs about a hundred pounds, and is about 2 feet tall at the shoulder. A fucking big rat.

The factory will remain closed until the infestation is cleared and the plant is disinfected from top to bottom "

Tom Lennon, factory shop steward for USDAW, Union of Shop, Distributive and Allied Workers commented

"Giant rats! The mans a fucking moron. That's where we make the clusters."

Make Fergus McCarthy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 1?

8 10 4 19
76 readers are online right now!

Go to top