Vatican City--In a stunning move today, the Vatican announced that the Catholic church is now "pro-choice". The surprising news comes following Pope Benedict XVI's recent evening out at a local Denney's.
"I couldn't believe the number of children running loose unattended as I struggled to enjoy my Lumberjack Slam," the Pope said, "One of the little bastards even peed on the floor next to my table."
According to sources, the offending children belonged to Billy Bob and Martha Silvo, lifelong Catholics, who were simply enjoying "Kids under 12 eat free night" at the popular restaurant.
"We were just enjoying a family night out," said Billy Bob, "It's been tough feeding a family of eight little ones under 10 since since I lost my job at the foundry."
"These folks should have stopped after the second kid," the Pope said, "The youngest one didn't even eat."
In related news, conservative talk-show host Bill O'Reilly said he was initially appalled at the news, but would come around if the "abortion is okay" message is directed at "blacks and Jews".