NORTH KOREA - Former U.S. President Bill Clinton joined two American journalists already imprisoned in North Korea after he received oral sex from someone believed to be Dear Leader Kim Jong-il's 24-year-old niece, according to sources operating outside the country's state-run news agency.
Before Clinton had a chance to seek the release of California reporters Laura Ling and Euna Lee, he was sidetracked by Miss Jong-il, described as "someone with detailed knowledge of the former president's movements."
Clinton came just as the United States and its allies in the region had been talking about firing less missiles, blowing any progress made so far and leaving a stain on his address covering the situation.
Ling and Lee, arrested while reporting on the border between North Korea and China, are now sentenced to nearly 12 years in tight quarters with the former US head, and things have already become heated.
"It just keeps getting worse," lamented Ling. "First, it was those nasty guards. Now, we've got to share our cell with this old pervert? I swear, if I hear one more three-way overture..."
"I can't take it anymore!" added Lee, as Clinton sat in the corner and grinned, a red handprint glowing brightly on his face. "This guy's gonna drive me crazy!
"Get me outta here!!" she screamed, jerking frantically at the iron bars.