Written by Asheville Jack
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Topics: God

Monday, 3 August 2009

image for God to return from Vacation Tomorrow
God: I'm back, and the place had better be spotless!

Earth is in a mad dash to clean up the planet after God called to announce that he will be returning early from his vacation tomorrow. Said God, "I'll be arriving in the morning, and the place had better be spotless." Since leaving on vacation six thousand years ago, God said he had been staying with his uncle Horace at his beach house but, "I found I missed the little blue marble."

Said Finland of Europe, "Let's face it, all of us figured he wouldn't be back for quite a while. Now I've got old rusted out Volvo's sitting behind the barn. If I can't clean up the place before nightfall there'll be holy hell to pay." Russia said they will paint Chernobyl, the radioactive mound of rubbish covered in cement, a camouflaged green in the hope that God won't notice. Said Russia, "If he don't ask about it I'm not gonna say nothing."

Mexico of Central America, chief gardener of the planet, posted his resignation upon arrival of the news. "I'm not taking the rap. I told everyone the party was over and to go home centuries ago but no one listened. I'm outta here." This same scenario is being carried out across the entire planet. The United States was quoted as saying, "I'm glad God's coming back. I'm tired of being in charge. This was a shitty job to begin with."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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