Written by Asheville Jack
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Topics: Iran

Monday, 3 August 2009

image for Stupid American Hikers: "We wanted to be thrown in Iranian Prison"
We finally make it to prison, Mom.

The three young American hikers who crossed into Iran from northern Iraq were captured according to their plan by border guards this weekend. The official Iranian new agency I'Liealot quoted Iranian government officials who quoted the border guards who quoted the Americans as saying, "We wanted to be thrown into an Iranian prison, and we pride ourselves on being stupid enough to accomplish our goals."

John Flush, the leader of the group, likened Iran's prisons as having a certain Cuban Club Med feel. "Maybe not quite as nice as a Cuban prison, but certainly better than North Korea's. Still, if we hadn't hit one of the sleeping guards in the head with a stone we would have never gotten in."

Like every other young American in the world who travels anywhere, Mr. Flush praised his I-Phone with making the border crossing easier. "My I-Phone has a built in navigation, which I usually use to find fast food joints or strip clubs. But in this case we used it to find the international border between Iraq and Iran, which is out here in the middle of fucking nowhere."

Michael Rowyourboatashore, a mature looking twenty-three old whose age that belies his stupidity, sent an email to his mother before being captured that read, "Hi Mom. We're finally in Iran, but have been unable to be captured yet. We're planning to bonk one of the border guards in the head with a stone shortly. Maybe then we'll finally be captured. We hope to be out of prison in twelve to twenty years. See you then. Love, Mike."

Said Michael's mother, "We're really proud of Mike. Not everybody is stupid enough to be captured and thrown into an Iranian prison. I'm happy to see he's following in his father's footsteps."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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