Written by Asheville Jack
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Topics: Canada, Hockey

Monday, 3 August 2009

image for Canada Dedicates indoor "Miracle" Hockey Rink
"I never want to see another pair of skates as long as I live," said the Prime Minister

Anaconda, Canada - Canadian Prime Minister John Bluballs was in town today to dedicate the new state of the art 2000 seat Boys Club indoor hockey rink. "It's truly amazing that a small town like Anaconda, on the shore of the Arctic Sea, would raise the funds necessary to build a 2000 seat indoor hockey rink," said the PM. "And I personally would like to thank the local Boys Club who donated the money from their treasury that made all this possible. As everyone already knows, this beautiful rink was funded from the sale of the baby seal skins which the boys club to death each year. My congratulations goes out to the local Boys Club, no pun intended."

The PM also marveled at the rink itself. "From what I understand this rink was built by an American construction firm. One day," said the PM, "as soon as we figure our how the Americans are able to get such a huge piece of ice through the doors, we'll be able to build these ourselves. It really is a miracle if you ask me"

Anaconda mayor Whip Windy, in introducing the Prime Minister, reminded those on hand that the Prime Minister played hockey as a child. "Most people are unaware that the Prime Minister came from a very poor family," said the Mayor. "As a matter of fact they couldn't even afford ice skates so he played hockey in his bare feet. Hence his childhood nickname 'Bloody Shoes' is really the result of frostbite and other players skates, which took quite a toll.

The mayor also mentioned his desire that more people might now move to Anaconda. "What with the publicity from the Prime Minister's visit to our fine town, and with the completion of the Boys Club Hockey Rink, it is now our fervent hope that new families will move to our area and that we might actually field two hockey teams instead of one. This is their dream of course, that they have an opposing team, as the boys have grown tired of winning games by a thousand points or more."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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