Written by Bob Muppet
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Wednesday, 20 March 2002

image for Robert Mugabe Goes Nude Ice Skating
Graphic designers were blinded in the making

Robert Mugabe celebrated his election victory, yesterday, by opening the 'Idi Amin' outdoor ice skating rink in the Zimbabwe capital, Harare.

However, the jubilant chants of the crowd turned to howls of disbelief when their leader took to the ice wearing nothing more than a victory grin!

"I do this thing for the oppressed black masses", he announced in a tone of defiance.

"I ask the royal sister at Buck House to join me ice skating in the nude, but she no enter in the spirit of the thing".

"She insisted she would only come if she could bring her tutu, but hell, no, says I, leave that damned Desmond at home!"

The Zimbabwe despot was visibly shaken when questioned about the suitability of his outdoor ice skating rink.

"Won't the blinking ice melt in all this blinking heat, me old mucker?", asked an over-zealous reporter from the Daily Star.

"And how can the people afford to buy ice skating boots when they can't even afford shoes?" questioned a well-educated lady from The Times.

"These are all stereotypical, white man's phrases, designed to make us cower before a superior white race", the misanthropic president retorted, as his cheap, imported skates slowly sank in the slush, that earlier was ice ---

-- and thoughts of 'skating on thin ice !' drifted through the president's mind.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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