Rome, Italy / Yet Another F-ing Affair - This EU country was turned on it's collective head today, when President Silvio Berlusconi, terminated the trial of accused murderess Amanda Knox, granted her a full pardon after a secret meeting, and appointed her to a personal ministerial position.
Berlusconi, noted for a roving eye toward young, some would even say VERY Young, nubile women, and currently undergoing heavy scrutiny for sexual gaffes by not only his estranged wife, but a puerile public, blew off any requests for media interviews and a plausible explanation.
The young Ms Knox, hereafter to be addressed as Madam Minister, was released from custody after being incarcerated for over two years in the murder trial of her college room mate during an alleged "sex game gone wrong".
Berlusconi, according to some former female companions has been obsessed with games involving kinky sexual activity, rivaling, some say, the perversions of North Korean Dik-tator Kim Ill Jong who rumour has it has seen "Deep Throat" over 5,000 times and labeled it a "Cult Classic" and "must see" for any female palace gamers searching for "the rocket in my pants".
A spokesman for the new Minister Without Portfolio, said Berlusconi is working on a new, very close personal Presidential position for her.
Minister Knox said she was "excited to be free, free at last," and when last seen was doing cartwheels as she left her prison confines to a standing ovation of some 200 well satisfied, smiling jailers.
A source inside the prison, but not authorized to comment on sex within the prison amongst inmates, said that Amanda first came to the attention of the President when he received an intimate video of Knox pleasuring herself not only in her cell, but in the community shower room, and during an "all you can eat spaghetti night" during a prison mixer.
Knox has been lingering in jail for over 2 years while the prosecutor tries to round up 4200 people to testify about the murder which occurred in a locked room with only 3 persons present, one being the deceased victim, one being Knox, and one being her effeminate looking 40 year old virgin boyfriend from San Francisco.
The court has also had a problem getting a quorum of jurors on any given day due to prior cosa nostra obligations.
When it came to releasing the "Murderous Mink", however, the wheels of Italian justice wielded by the President moved SWIFTLY in gaining her freedom.
As another, less fortunate female inmate commented," I've been in this place for 3 years on a parking violation, and I'm still waiting for a post card I mailed myself the day I was arrested!"
A prison guard, who spoke on condition of confidentiality said that Amanda picked up on Italian Justice early on during her incarceration...."Here in Italy you don't fuck with the system....the system fucks you...and if you're really, really good at it, you can fuck your way to freedom!"
Berlusconi was having a private state dinner at the palace in honor of Amanda's new post and he said it would mark the first time in over two years she would be allowed to cut her meat with a sharp knife before swallowing it.