It was like something from a really shitty mid-week movie: local boy falls madly in love with his next-door neighbour, but she is shagging the local butchers apprentice. It could only end in tragedy - and somebody getting licked by a stray Labrador.
Local man Kevin Greene had always fantasises about his neighbour Jill Carson. He would sit for hours outside her bedroom window wanking and writing poetry - but mostly wanking.
Jill was a tall attractive girl with firm breasts and a large arse. She was kind and caring and was a regular around the back of the bike sheds.
But she was in love with another.
And to make matters worse, that man of her deepest passions was none other than Kevin's boss, the local butcher.
It was like a modern day Romeo & Juliet, except this time set in the housing estates of glamorous Sunderland.
But this story does not end with suicide and bloodshed; instead Kevin was afraid of losing his job in the currant economic climate by fighting for his woman.
He happily redirected his undying love towards the stray dog that hangs around the back of the butchers shop.
Kevin still continues wanking outside Jill's window every night, but now he also has his face licked by his new faithful companion, Smokey.