SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA - The legendary Taco Bell chihuahua "Gidget" passed away this morning from a massive stroke. The iconic dog brought cheer to literally billions of people during his stardom as a spokesperson in advertisements for Taco Bell. His catchphrase Yo quiero Taco Bell! (translated to English from Mexican: "I want taco bell") became a pop culture staple that was used as a joke on hundreds of TV shows, including Sportscenter and Star Trek: Enterprise. Millions of fans mourn his loss. We spoke to a particularly fervent supporter, a Lolita Rodriguez, who managed to pull herself together long enough to wipe her tears off on her "Yo quiero Gidget!" t-shirt and provide the following statement:
Thanks for the interview, Lolita. The news of the Gidget's passing has come as a real shock and surprise to the American community, but what's even more surprising is that the dog's roasted flesh, when tossed with veggies and covered in a mild enchilada sauce, acts as a low fat and delicious alternative to beef.
Taco Bell's quick acting executives have decided to test out their new meat in a welcoming market, South Korea. South Korea has long been a country in which eating dogs has been not only acceptable, but encouraged. Per year, the average Korean eats 4 Lassies, 2 Air Buds, 6 Old Yellers and a Happy from 7th Heaven. Taco Bell isn't the only american restaurant to have made changes to their business models to enter Korean markets. American chain restaurant Burger King dumped their popular Whopper for the Happy Happy Fun Time Burger made with 100% pure labrador meat, and Popeye's went as far as to convert their Hush Puppies to be, in Korea, actual fried puppies. Carl's Jr., attempting to cater to the South Korean love for electronics, released the Pretty Sunshine Burger which consists of a computer chip and mouse sandwiched between two transistors, all topped with a slice of delicious dog.
Taco Bell's move into South Korea is the first to be made by an immigrant (ahem) Mexican fast food chain, and has been extremely well receieved by diners. The chain's restaurants have been packed with crowds since the release. While sitting outside of one such Taco Bell, TheSpoof's team heard at least 55 random Korean diners yell "DOG TASTES GOOD", "YUMMY DOG", and other such phrases.
Depsite the low-fat meat's success in Korea, there's still a lot of skepticism as to whether or not the product will go over so well globally.
"A lot of americans tell me 'You criminals! You're eating man's best friend!'", said Taco Bell testing specialist Dr. Ji Yaoshin. "I tell them, lots of people in San Francisco eat their man's best friend, and there they are not called criminals, they are called homos!", yelled the doctor inappropriately.
Company spokesmen aren't sure when dog products will begin being released, but it's a sure bet that they'll be randomly tested in american restaurants before a full launch. In a fast food board room meeting in which we spoke with Burger King executives, they mentioned that they would like the american people to know that McDonald's has most likely already implemented dog into all of their burgers. McDonald's representitives responded by saying that Burger King burgers have most definitely always contained a good deal of dog. Burger King replied that this accusation was entirely untrue, and that McDonald's famous fries are made of at least 80% dog meat. White Castle representitives, slow to the chase, took the opportunity to let the room know that "White Castle burgers are doggon delicious y'all!", at which the entire meeting rolled their eyes. The roar of a million shuffled papers was heard for miles around.
Whether or not Taco Bell's move will be a success is still to be seen. Unil then, always keep the dog on a leash and away from hungry strangers.
This is WritingGuy, signing off.