Written by Boone Adams
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Topics: Greece, Chinese

Monday, 12 July 2004

image for Chinese Swim Team Banned
Member of China's Women's Swim Team

Athens Greece.In a decision that suprised no one, the International Olympic Committee banned the Chinese Womens swim team for illegal substances and having fins.
An I.O.C. doctor, speaking behind a Mickey Mouse bed sheet for anonymity, stated that the sample sent from the Chinese swim team could hardly be classified as human and in no way was female.
An easily identified source stated he knew several years ago there was a huge problem with the swim team. During an inter-division swim meet and jousting match in 2001, Dr. P. Indacup,states he saw fins and gills poking from beneath the swimsuits of several female swimmers.All of these girls were from the Chinese Olympic Wading Pool and Crematorium Team.The very same team that has been banned from this years Olympic games in Athens.
The doctor went on to say that it was suspicious enough when the Chinese team was beating its competition by one-third the lap time but it was quite another when one of the Chinese swimmers actually ate one of the girls from Switzerland.
"Ze Chinese girls never leaved da pool",cried Switzerland teammate Olga Clampenthighs."Ve knew day vere not like us,day ate only raw fish and slept in large buckets outside da hotel."
The coach of the Chinese team,Dr.Iva Finn,lashed out at this reporter when asked if his team of girls were now actually fish.He waved his head back and forth screaching violently and jumping in and out of the water.
This is not a first for the Chinese Olympic teams.Four years ago one of China's male gymnasts was disqulified when his tail fell out of his shorts and knocked a judge from the arena.
A six eyed spokesperson for the Chinese Government made the following statement this morning,"We deny any knowledge of any wrong doing on behalf of our athletes or trainers.Our people train harder and longer than any other species on earth.Some of our people are so advanced they may have produced extra body parts.In no way does that mean that there are illegal substances being used. Evolution has proven that we all will have gills and fins and a tail eventually!"
Two former members of the swim team were found working at Sea World in Florida, but their trainers would not allow us to speak with them as they were needed in the big tank to perform in the next "Buckin' Dolphins Show".
In a related story, a Russian female weight lifter was asked to shave her beard and wear a womans singlet as so not to confuse her with members of the men's weightlifting team.

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