Written by jeremy griffiths
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Thursday, 23 July 2009

image for Jackson - Small white hatchback implicated!
MJ. "Attacked by small white hatchback" theory

The MJ death mystery took a bizzare and mysterious turn today when it was revealed that a small white hatchback had been seen in the vicinity of Jacksons home in the days preceding his demise.

Rumours are rife that the hatchback is eerily similar to the one alleged to have caused the fatal accident in the Paris road tunnel resulting in the death of Dianna, dimbo and sweetheart to the world.

Urgent tests are now being carried out on what at first was though to be Jacksons everyday face makeup,which is now rumoured to me car paint which may match that taken from the scene of the Dianna accident scene. Was Jackson killed by a small white hatchback? Significantly,a coroners report has not ruled out such a possibility.

There has been talk amongst interpol's finest over the years regarding the possibility of a conspiracy amongst small white hatchbacks, possibly FIAT's to seek out and eliminate celebrities who it deems to be "Un-Italian" Jackson had a well documented history of spagetti hating, and is known to have burnt a Vespa in a fit of rage when it refused to start. Diana is known to have cracked the "Italian Tanks have all reverse gears" joke at the Versace funeral, Coincidence? or not?

Investigations are believed to have been reopened into the seemingly innocuous presence of a small white Euoropean hatchback found in the trunk of a Cadillac at Gracelands at the time of Elvis' unfortunate passing. Discounted at the time as of "No significance to our enquiry" the hatchback has since vanished without trace. Elvis was also a known to enjoy humiliating Ferraris with his All American muscle cars. Spooky.

The FBI have seconded "Where's Wally" / "Where's Waldo" creator Martin Handford to help analyse recent security footage around the Jackson enclave. Officials strenuously denied that the footage from the Kennedy assassinations was being digitally enhanced in a possible search for a "SWH" The Kennedy clan joked that all Italian cars wer rubbish and that FIAT stood for "First Impression, Always Trash"

A further unsubstantiated rumour that "White Paint" found on the James Dean wreck was of significance, has been strongly denied by a spokesperson for the Dean estate, who whilst claiming that "James loved all things Italian" refused to comment on Dean's remarks made days before his mystery desert crash that: "This German crap will be the death of me"... A pilot for a film starring "Herbie" the well known killer VW was being shot in the vicinity at the time...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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