Dayton, Ohio - Looking back on their historical moment of breaking the earthly bonds, journeying into outer space, landing on the surface of the moon and returning home safely to tell the tale of the greatest adventure mankind has ever known, the crewmembers of Apollo 11 that landed on the moon, Neil A. Armstrong and Edwin E. "Buzz" Aldrin, have since regretted not doing a Michael Jackson style moonwalk while on the moon.
Sitting on a panel discussion at the National Aviation Hall of Fame in Dayton, Utah last Friday, Armstrong and Aldrin broke down emotionally at the lost opportunity for real fame.
"We should have done the Michael Jackson moonwalk. Instead of just walking on the moon," said Aldrin as he held Armstrong in his arms rocking him gently back-and-forth. "We could have been somebody. Instead, all we're known for is being the first men to land on the moon. What's that mean anyways? That we crawled into an over crowded capsule with that other guy. What's his name? You know, it's on the tip of my tongue. Neil, what's his name?"
"I don't know," replied a still sobbing Armstrong. "What does it matter? Just go on with our story, would you."
As Aldrin went on to explain to the audience that the first men on the moon continue to hold their manhood cheep in comparison to the fame and fortune Michael Jackson has accumulated back on earth, a man in his late seventies stood up and began heckling Armstrong and Aldrin.
"You think you're real men just because you were the first to walk on the moon?" said the heckler [later identified in the police blotter as Michael Allen Collins, pilot of the Apollo 11 space capsule] now standing on his chair. "Try spending some time alone on the dark side of the moon. Let me tell you, 'Pink Floyd' hasn't got a clue and neither do you two."
"Say, Neil, doesn't that old guy look familiar?" said Aldrin scratching his head.
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe," said the heckler as security pulled him down off his chair.
"Yeah, I think he's the same guy that heckled us at our last anniversary celebration," replied Armstrong, whipping his tears. "Maybe we should get a restraining order."
"Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion," continued the heckler now in handcuffs, and being dragging away by the back of his arms face down before being dropped to the floor.
"You just won't shut your pie hole. Will you old man," said the security guard.
"I watched C-Beams glister in the dark near the Tenhauser Gate," raved on the old man at the top of lungs. "All those moments will be lost in time. Like tears in the rain. Time to --"
Just then security pulled out a taser stun gun.
"Dude, don't taser me!" then screamed out the elderly heckler as he was tasered by the security guard, his still convulsing and twitching body dragged off somewhere out of sight.
Moments later, Armstrong and Aldrin at the behest of the audience stood up on stage and with a giant photograph of the lunar surface behind them, attempted the Michael Jackson moonwalk. After several attempts by both men, Armstrong broke out into tears again, falling into Aldrin's arms again.
"It's just not the same," said Armstrong sobbing. "It's just not the same."