The Catholic Church has secret plans to take over the world. These plans have only recently been uncovered by our correspondent following a trip to the local pub. On his return he discovered that the Catholic church has made plans which could lead to the Holy Father The Pope ruling the world.
Indeed the Pope's leading agent in Ireland, codename Avocado, is planning to impregnate as many nubile Polish birds as he can (the dirty swine). He is to breed an army of soldiers for Jesus. These Fergus Brigades will be trained to fight and will lead the Catholic domination of the world.
In order to support their ground troops the Catholic church has gained control of Ryanair. They plan to make changes to the aircraft without anyone noticing. Under the cover story that seats are to be lifted out to provide more room, they will instead introduce bomb bay doors. The Ryanair fleet will be used to bomb Protestant cities throughout the world, as long as they are near popular tourist destinations.
The Catholic church will be taking a second collection this Sunday. Please give generously.