A local man getting ready for a fun-run wanted to cut down on some pounds in order to get in shape. But his misreading of the instructions on a carton of diet pills has led to his increasing in weight from a mere 11 stone 6lbs to a massive 31 stone 8lbs in the space of a fortnight.
Nigel Walters bought a popular over-the-counter diet supplement from his local pharmacy but, due to a combination of laziness and just being a bit of a dozy asshole, he took a greater than recommended dosage of the pills.
Not only that, but the tablets were also a laxative.
Nigel's shit output is prodigious: his toilet gets clogged on a daily basis and sometimes his pants are so full of brown sticky shit that his legs can barely move in them. It is this overload of un-expelled shite that has created his massive increase in weight.
"The worst is when I'm out in the sunshine. The shit just dries up in an instant and goes like concrete", sobbed Nigel.
"I briefly looked at the instructions and mistook the number 1 for 1000", he said, "I ended up swallowing 1000's of the little fuckers every day! And look at me now. I'm a big fat bastard and full of shit!".
Doctors say Nigel will no longer be able to enter the fun-run and that he must wait until all the shit slowly escapes from him - which could take months