The hunt is on for the killer! Following La Toya Jackson's shocking revelations that her brother, the internationally renowned pedophile Michael Jackson, was murdered. La Toya, speaking in that bastion for truth and integrity, The Mail On Sunday, said "There are so many things which just don't add up. How could Michael die? He had so much to live for. Where did the drugs come from? Michael never took any drugs. He was a completely normal human being, just like me. Somebody killed my brother".
Interpol, the FBI and Avon and Wilts police have been called in to investigate. They have drawn up a list of suspects.
1. The Doctor. They wish to question a mysterious individual who lives in an old police box.
2. Joe Jackson. British singer-songwriter who has lived in Michael Jackson's shadow for his whole career.
3. La Toya Jackson. Unhinged family member who has lived in Michael Jackson's shadow for her whole career. She seems to know far more about the case than anybody else.
6. Jesus Budda. Mysterious cult leader who disappeared around the time of Jackson's death and recently resurfaced following a botched sex change.
7. God. In the Old Testament he was a vengeful figure who regularly struck down sinners. Has he returned?
Further investigations are being carried out. Police are searching the Sunday newspapers for clues.