In a sickening development, it has today been revealed that Michael Jackson was the victim of a suicide attempt by a third party.
Jackson had been mainlining M&Ms for days and was on an blissful chocolate high when a would-be ninja assassin burst silently from the letterbox.
With no weapon at hand, Jackson had no choice but to engage his would-be assassin with his fruit basket.
A banana having failed to penetrate the ninja's determined defence, Jackson retreated to the bathroom desperately fending off his attacker with other fruit items.
With his back to the wall and in real terror, Jackson was relieved to see his personal surgeon sneak behind the ninja with a poised syringe.
Sinking the "painkilling" hypodermic into the ninja's left buttock the medic stood back in satisfaction.
Too late! In desperation, Michael Jackson had torn out his own brain to try to suffocate his attacker.
Sadly and as we all know by now, this attempt failed and Jacko slumped to the floor, dead.
At this point, the doctor unmasked the ninja and revealed his identity as..............
Answers on a postcard please to anyone who gives a toss.