L'ACQUILA, ITALY: Canadians are beginning to wonder whether their PM Stephen "Steve" Harper is a closet "communion-klepto". The so-called committed Protestant keeps barging his way forward at Catholic Mass, pushes his way to the front of the Communion line, then pockets the wafer.
At last week's memorial service for a popular Governor-General, Harper was first observed pulling his wafer-in-the-pocket stunt. Observers wrote it off to Harper's desire to hog the media limelight, especially in situations where he was not welcome.
"Notice how he's always late for photo ops at the G-8 summits?"
Now Steve has pulled this stunt again, this time accepting the wafer a second time, then surreptitiously transferring it to his jacket pocket, leaving bystanders incredulous, crossing themselves to ward off the evil.
A well-known Jesuit priest who also moonlights as a Vatican psychoanalyst for dysfunctional priests, pondered: "There's definitely some bizarre behavior going on here. Is he a closet Catholic despite his Protestant protestations? I think the Devil is making him trap Jesus in his pocket. Let us pray for Canada to free it from this strange man with the see-through eyes".
A spokesman for Harper, who [himself] causes more problems clarifying' the PM's behavior explained: "The PM loves the taste of Communion wafers slathered with peanut butter and grape jelly"