Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Pope, Vatican, G8

Friday, 10 July 2009

image for Ladies Day at the Vatican
Vatican City, Scene of the Action

Pope Benedict XVI was in his glory, hosting a Vatican get-together for the spouses of the G8 summit members.

All in all, it was a fairly tame event. Italian party planners at the Vatican had suggested that mud wrestling and/or a wet T-shirt contest be part of the festivities, but the Pope nixed those ideas, saying "We don't want St. Peter and the other buried Popes to be turning over in their graves with either disgust or envy."

The Pontiff was clearly delighted with the success of the party, remarking to his aides that the visiting group of women definitely qualified as a harem. He added, "Especially with those sexy black veils they wore on their heads. Multo bene!" He was glad that he nixed his everyday attire and wore his DRESSY white robe and beanie for the occasion.

He was pleased that the one male spouse, Joachim Sauer, husband of German chancellor Angela Merkel, did not attend. "I'm not into sharing, and he would have been a spoiler, a square peg in a round hole," chuckled the Holy Father.

The Pontiff had only one worry. "I just hope they don't think they can ever become priests," he confided to his aides. "Okay, they received a special invitation to visit me, but that gives them no special privileges. They aren't on a fast track for the priesthood. In fact, they are on no track at all. No women need apply. Fuhgeddaboutit!"

Meanwhile, the Pope was also busy this week issuing his new encyclical, focused largely on global finance and the world economy. He admitted that he knew nothing about these topics, adding, "But neither does anyone else in the world who has been blabbing away about this stuff, so I figured that I might as well weigh in."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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