Langley, Va./ CYA Spook News - Undercover sources are reporting that a concerted effort is being made by a covert team of Presidential Apologists to conduct a nationwide roundup of rogue Spoof Writers that are proving to be a pain in the ass to the current President and his Anti-American Cabal of Czars and Czarinas.
With the complete collapse of a legitimate media in the US, and Journalistic Ethics going the way of Political Ethics, the team, headed by Presidential Counsel Greg Craig, have instituted a series of midnight visits on selected Spoof Targets from Florida, South Carolina, and as Far Left (sic) as New Mexico and a few stops in between.
One such writer, who must remain anonymous due to the Official Secrets Act, said that a team of Suits arrived at his home at 3 A.M. and gained access claiming to be agents of the Publisher's Clearing House with a Special Prize!
After admitting the team to his home, he was subjected to intense grilling including at one point being forced to breathe through a damp thong allegedly belonging to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
Shortly after this terror technique was wielded, came the carrot, as the Team Leader offered an alternative. In return for future silence in detecting and reporting on Obama White House Abuses (OWHA), the writer was offered a one way ticket to either Bermuda or Palau, $90,000 per year (going rate for Uyghur undesirables), a furnished condo, a 19 year old mistress, and a "0" interest Small Business Loan to fund a new occupation and not subject to any Federal, State, or Island Taxes.
Further incentives included being able to pick 6 (six) of his fellow Spoofers to join him, with a Bonus of another $90k a year for each writer he enticed to the literary exodus.
The contract also stated that all stories, points, Forum Contributions and such would be erased from The Spoof.Com, the writer's screen name would disappear, and no one would remember him past his last contribution where he contributed a tale which ended with him being engulfed by a black hole.
The writer also learned during an unguarded moment of loose speech, that the OWHA containment team was also working on "the inside" at the satire site and had cleverly inserted several new writers with dubious bona fides to contribute Endless Michael Jackson stories, as well as meaningless teen age entertainment stories to further discredit attempts at legitimate journalism.
The writer in question, based on the current economic, political, and social situation in the US, gladly accepted the terms and conditions offered and elected to relocate to Palau which consists of several coral islands, is 500 miles east of the Philippines, and is out of range of North Korean missiles.
Year round temperature is 82 degrees Fahrenheit and there is no need of gasoline or oil, as all entertainment and life sustaining subsistence is within walking or kayak distance.
A Palau welcome party was held hosted by the 13 Uyghur Dissidents, all of whom have managed to secure a lap top, and created their own Web Site and are continuing to satirically attack the regime in China by Spoofing the political elite and continuously beaming pictures of the Dali Llama to Beijing. They continue to supplement their stipend with a string of Chinese Restaurants funded by US Taxpayers.
The happily relocated Spoof Writer has circumvented his writing isolation by assuming a new persona as a (just) 18 year old Sexual Surrogate with HUGE breasts,an accommodating vagina, and a bunch of vapid teeny bopper stories which has propelled him into the TOP 10 of the Spoof.
LIFE IS NOW GOOD!