Hyperbarics R Us, the manufacturers of the oxygenated chambers designed to prolong human life, have issued a product recall.
All consumers who purchased a hyperbaric chamber product between 1990 and 1999, are asked to contact the manufacturer so the machine can be returned and a full refund awarded.
Commented a company spokesman, "These units were manufactured off shore, and we have reason to think that some wires got crossed.
"Rather than prolonging human life, they seem to have the opposite affect."
The spokesman went on to say that if the original purchaser has since passed away, his survivors are eligible for a partial reimbursement.
Finally, the Hyberbaric spokesman said that the company is still trying to find the owner of a "sequined, white, right-hand" glove that they found in one of showroom demo chambers in 1991.
"If you know of anyone out there, with a single, left-handed gaudy glove like this, please contact us," he said.