Written by J.M.Reay
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Topics: Fish, breathing

Friday, 9 July 2004

image for Half-man Half-Fish. Found In Deep Trench!
Dr Rake Breaks The Story

In what is surely the most sensational discovery of the year, a half-man half-fish has been found alive and well, breathing and living his life at the bottom of the Marinas Trench, in the eastern Pacific Ocean.
Chief scientist, Dr. Vince Rake, who led the multi-pound expedition to the foot of the trench broke the news to a hastily convened, and stunned, world press conference earlier today.
"This is like a dream come true for me. I've always felt there was a terrific chance of me finding the missing-link down there. Safe from comets and dinosaurs, the man-fish has been free to pursue his solitary existence for ages and ages.
I found him near a large polystyrene shaped rock about six miles down where he appeared to be working at a primitive bench, with a few rudimentary tools close to hand. This may well turn out to be his kitchen area."
Dr. Rake went on to describe the man-fish as an accurate cross between a man and a fish with a large rubbery fin running up on his back, and thick rubber lips. The arms are longer than those of a normal man, while the legs are shorter. One surprising difference is that his hands and feet are not at the ends of these appendages; his hands are on the ends of his ears, while his feet appear to stick out of his rear end. Rake speculates that this would allow the man-fish to feel what he is hearing, while standing comfortably on his backside.
The high-pressure loving freak has lots of long teeth, and again, surprisingly, appears to be covered with thick ginger body hair.
"His diet is mainly fresh fish and he appears to have a very basic grasp of rudimentary English. At this time I do not know how the man-fish reproduces. In common with other bottom dwelling species he may well mate with himself, for pleasure as well as a necessary release. At this stage of testing I am just not certain, but i have promised my wife to get to the bottom of it all."
Dr Rake first came to world attention with the discovery of the Loch Ness Monsters sister, now on display in his bungalow at Southend-On-Sea.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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