It's just been revealed that a man named Michael, who passed away in Los Angeles California after being crucified by himself with hypodermic needles, was in fact, really Jesus reborn.
The dead man, who was by all accounts a bit of a freak who most people ignored for over twenty years, apart from when he made occasional court appearances on child molestation charges, was finally revealed to be the saviour of all humanity.
Chinese citizens, both Han and Uighur, who have been beating each other to death with alarming frequency in the city of Urumqi, stopped fighting, as they were informed that Michael WHO IS DEAD, wrote the bible, circumnavigated the globe, was the architect behind racial harmony, the sole inspiration behind bringing black music to a wider audience, an inspiration to people considering cosmetic surgery, and better than Elvis, the Beatles and Stevie Wonder.
The Taleban and Al Qaeda were reportedly reduced to tears.
Mourners joined in a communal singalong of 'We Are The World We Had The Children' at the service.
More vomit inducing shite as we get it.