Written by Bob Ellis
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Topics: War, France, Switzerland

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

image for Switzerland Invades France

Yesterday, in one of the most shocking international incidents in recent times Switzerland invaded France.

The invasion has been justified by Pascal Couchpotato, Bundespräsident, as a pre-emptive strike designed to relieve the pressure on Swiss cheese brought about by the Bilateral EU Agreements on imports and exports.

Most authorities, however, believe that the recent Nationalisation by the French of the "shoulder shrugging motion" and "HoHoHo" sound of mild surprise is the real driver behind the invasion. One Swiss spokesman suggested that this was a clear attempt to annexe Geneva from the inside out.

The invasion began with a statement broadcast on SFR that Basle would only be called Basel from now on. Swiss soldiers, disguised as French Onion Sellers, took over the French side of Basle sorry Basel airport.

Simultaneously, the 14th Swiss Bicycle division followed the excellent network of dedicated cycle tracks (now we know why) to cross the border near Geneva and took up position in several French cafes and bars. The croissant was banned in these areas and the Gipfeli made compulsory.

It is said that the Swiss Navy was also to have been involved but that the boat was currently on Lake Zurichsee and was, therefore, of limited practical use.

The United Nations was to have made a statement earlier today with details of financial sanctions against Switzerland should it not withdraw it's forces by a given deadline. After consideration of which UN representative's bank account was where this was hastily changed to sanctions against France for moaning.

Britain is the only country so far to recognise the extended Swiss border and is said to be considering invading Brittany in an Anglo-Swiss alliance. British ambassador to Switzerland, Jeremy Ponsonby-Smythe, said "Brittany, get it, the clue is in the name".

The French were unavailable for comment, it being lunchtime.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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