Written by David Swinstead
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Topics: Guantanamo

Wednesday, 20 March 2002

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"The Fox" - Shape shifting terrrorist.

In an attempt to compromise with the demands being put forward in court by families of the prisoners being held there, US military officials are increasing the rights of all suspects at Guantanamo Bay, of which there are now in excess of 300.

The rights being given are:

  • The right to have fresh, clean laundry, 24/7
  • The right to Pay-Per-View football events on sky
  • The right to "veto" one prison guard every week, and have him/her replaced with another
  • The right to stay up past supper-time
  • The right to leave the building and hire out a car for inner-island travel during daylight hours.

It was also mentioned that to keep these rights, the prisoners would have certain responsibilities, such as helping around the place with washing up, hoovering the floors, walking the guard dogs etc.

Several of the lawyers acting on behalf of the prisoners have objected, saying that this is "too little, too late" and demand more, with one going as far as to say "the prisoner I represent is innocent, and thus demands better treatment than this, we demand free Mars bars for the suspects at lunch time or you will face the consequences. He also wants to watch the England match, innit."

People have already begun to speak out on the matter, voicing both sides of the argument, with public opinion split radically on the matter.

No decision has yet been made on the mars bars demand. We await further news.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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