HOLLYWOOD: It has been brought to our attention that North Korea may be preparing to move it's missle carrying ship to the southern coast of California. Their newest target? Neverland Ranch, former home and playground of the late pop star, Michael Jackson. It seems as though the public has become sick and tired of the incessant barrage of Michael Jackson news, interviews, commentary, and retrospectives 24/7. Apparently, North Korea plans to seize upon this unique opportunity.
We spoke with Kim Jong Il, the dear leader of North Korea, who seemed eager to share his thoughts. "I am getting so sick of the Michael Jackson coverage. It's all I've been seeing all day and all night. We have only one channel in North Korea and it's owned and operated by me. I can't stand it!"
"If my plan works, TV networks will finally stop talking about Michael Jackson and instead start discussing the devastation that my awesome missle will leave in its wake. Nererland will be vaporized. The UN will be so happy! They will beg to take us back and start sending us Harry and David fruit baskets, which are badly, badly needed. The US, Europe, and chimps the world over will be cheering for us. This is so important to us because the only friend we have now is a tiny South Pacific island that's ruled by nephew. It really doesn't count, but we do appreciate the free coconuts."
"Everyone is so over this man in the mirror thing already. It's not just me. Based on our informal survey, the only people who may disapprove our missle strike would be members of Mr. Jackson's estate, glove seamstresses, and the ride operators at Neverland Ranch. Especially the ones that will be working there when the missle hits. They're really gonna be ticked off. Ouch."
"And anyone in attendance of or within a five kilometer radius of the ranch might be a bit inconvenienced as well. If you are planning to be in the area at that time, we recommend that you evacuate. Why not make a day of it and plan a little wine and cheese picnic in the mountains? Don't forget your binoculars. The view will be spectacular."