The World famous Genetics Research Institute (GRI), also known as 'Genny' (pronounced as Jenny) recently issued a limited circulation 568-page report that details the increasing propensity of the GOP to engage in extramarital affairs and other sexual transgressions. The study was commissioned by the Democratic party and approved by Rahm Emanuel, President Obama's Chief of Staff.
Based on reliable sources, POLITICAL NEWS PULSE discovered the existence of the clandestine project and was able to interview Genny's Dr. Jean Baptiste Rousseau, Chief of Research, on June 25. The latter indicated that a study was indeed commissioned soon after President Obama's victory in November, 2008. The client was the U.S.'s Democratic Party and the study was approved by Emanuel. Apparently, the Spitzer scandal struck a nerve and the Dems wanted to avoid another sexual disaster and to, especially, be able to nail the Republicans in kind.
Although not stated in the proposal, the implication was that if the GOP could be caught with its pants down, the Democrats would have a major advantage in almost any election, local and national. And, because it was not classified 'Level A,' Genny's designation for 'Client Only,' Dr. Rousseau was able to tell Pulse some details, although the proprietary information sourcing and evaluation methodologies employed could not be discussed.
Some of the findings:
- If the Dems screw around, the GOP is far worse
- GOP people or those associated with the GOP are born with 'politico defect gene 3R-5457'(libidinal excess gene)
- The GOP will take a decade to recoup political power and identity because of its 'vaginal proclivity'
- GOP wives lead double lives, essentially having a highly-sexual love life outside of marriage
In time, the results of the study will appear in major political publications on the Internet and in hard copy. In response, a combined counterattack is planned by a Limbaugh-O'Reilly-Hannity conservative GOP team to discredit the findings.
Said President Obama, "We've got 'em by the scrotes and they're screaming unfair, unfair! We beat 'em!"
Reported by Jacques Le Coq D'Amour