Written by Dan DiLucchio
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Topics: Iraq, Music

Thursday, 15 July 2004

UPI, Baghdad, Iraq, July 15, 2004 - Billed as three days of peace, love and understanding, the U.S. government is planning to sponsor the first annual "Baghdadstock Music and Arts Fair" on August 15 - 17.

With the Iraq liberation conflict continuing to foment, the conditions appear to be perfect for creating and re-living the magic and mystery of the largest music festival on earth. Thirty five years have transpired since the original momentous Woodstock event. "We learned a lot back in ‘69," said a military spokesperson. "If we can replicate that love and brother and sisterhood crap, maybe we can get our a***s out of this hell hole - you know, really create the "Baghdadstock Nation."

The site of the event will be held at Abdu Yasser's farm. Yasser has volunterred this site and hopes that the grassy rolling hillsides will provide an attractive, natural setting and a relaxing atmosphere. Roadies have already started to scout the site, selecting the best spots for stages, sound systems and pyrotechnics. Free military transportation in hum-vees, duce-and-a-halfs and APCs to and from the farm is available for those locals who have lost their means of travel to recent car bombings.

To ease the tensions in Iraq, the military is hoping to recreate the magic of the original Woodstock. "We're hoping that the music, the drugs and the sex nurture an atmosphere of love and harmony," said Secretary of Defense, Donald H. Rumsfeld, "this will be truly another summer of love."

A big concern is recent bad acid reports circulating through the community. It appears that festival attendees who plan to trip their way through the event are being warned to stay away from blotter acid with little pictures of Tariq Aziz. Festival attendees are encouraged to stick with the U.S. government endorsed Afghanistan heroin, which will be freely available in conveniently placed kiosks.

A Special Forces unit of the Pennsylvania National Guard has been called together to select the acts for the three day event. So far they have reportedly lined up Ra'ed George, Boy George, Beshar Al-Azzawi's Flute Review, Madonna, Anwar Abdul Wahab, the Cab Calloway Crib, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Eddie "The Sheik" Kochak as well as The Beastie Boys. "We're trying to appeal to a broad audience," said a random National Guardsman, "we're just hoping that we have enough port-a-potties for everyone." Forecasters are predicitng torrential rain for the Baghdad region in August, setting the stage for a great time.

The Jimi Al Wasseem Experience is expected to close the festival with a blistering electric guitar solo rendition of the Iraq national anthem, assuming that there is electricity and an anthem by the show's conclusion.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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