Pyongyang NK-- President Kim Il Jong of North Korea has a secret weapon in his arsenal and plans to use it July 4th. The 'Dear Leader' has the Gay Nuclear Bomb, and once it explodes, all the straight people in the USA will be totally gay.
The Gay Nuke works very much like a Neutron Bomb. Once it explodes, the Gay Nuke's radiation targets DNA and activates dormant gay genes that exist in everyone. There is no immunity or cure. The Gay Nuke is also very efficient; it only takes one detonation to affect everyone in America.
The Gay Nuke terrifies military planners. It could make a brigade of Marines gayer than a Barbi Doll convention in an instant. They fear soldiers will put on impromptu Broadway musicals like 'Cats' rather than fight.
Many straight men and women are terrified of the Gay Nuke too, and are starting to panic. Husbands are starting to experiment with their wives' makeup, just in case. Many women are jumping into bed with girlfriends, just to get used to the idea of being lesbian.
A bizarre consequence of the Gay Nuke is that it turns gay people straight. Many thousands of gays have enlisted in the military in the last few weeks. Thousands of gays have also offered to die as suicide bombers against the Gay Nuke. No one wants The Unthinkable to happen!