Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, president of Iran, recently demanded an interview with us in order to address the ongoing problem with protestors attempting to overthrow him and his government. How could we refuse?
As we spoke with him it was just around lunchtime. He seemed very angry and ranted, "These lousy kids they are so freaking ungrateful! They don't appreciate anything we are doing for them. I just can't stand it anymore, I feel so betrayed. I let them have cell phones and gave them free potatoes and all they want to do is go on Twitter and make french fries. How about a nice traditional grilled Persian potato kebab? Oh, no, that's too boring." He mockingly added, "Where's the ketchup?"
He went on, "I fought hard to let women unveil their eyes in public. That was a big step. I want women to be recognized and express themselves. The other day on the street I bumped into my neighbor and I could tell it was her because she has those google eyes. She is unafraid to show herself to the world and I respect that."
"Yesterday, all day, the university brats were yelling in the streets, throwing rocks and setting random motorcycles and various passers-by on fire. They tell me they want to talk things over without getting killed! The nerve! Every building within a mile radius of the area was destroyed by them, except for the McDonald's and the Kentucky Fried Chicken in the square. They don't realize how corrupted they are by western ideals. Excuse me, that's my Pizza Hut delivery. We'll have to end the interview now. I said now!", he barked.
The following was overheard as this reporter was fleeing Mr. Ahmadinejad's offices, "Wait a minute, where are my breadsticks and marinara dipping sauce? Meh! No wonder I can't stand these western countries with their chain fast food. You're all trying to take over the world by ruining everyone's lunch. I was counting on those breadsticks. They're the perfect compliment to the pepperoni pan pizza. I've had it!! Just give me the 2 liter Coke Zero for free and we'll call it even. Now get out before I turn you and your entire family into potato kebabs in thirty minutes or less!"