Written by Wire Piddle
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Friday, 19 June 2009

image for Fire at Montreal Swingers Club Forces Many To Run For Their Wives

Montreal, Canada - An early morning fire at a Montreal Swingers club forced many naked patrons onto the streets, wildly running for their lives. The club, Auberge 1069, located on Rosemont Boulevard near Christophe Colombe Avenue, has been a welcoming haven for open-minded couples for over a decade.

Fire Chief, Jean Lamontblanc states that, "...the cause of the fire is still underinvestigation and arson has not been ruled out. Whether accidental or not, we do know that there was quite a bit of petroleum jelly that ignited inside. Whether it was used as an accelerant on purpose remains to be seen."

Estimated damage could go as high as $1 million. A collection of antique devices may have been lost in the blaze; objects that appear to have been past down to the present owner by his grandmother. A rather large, wooden, rack, commonly used during Napolean's time as a device of torture, has been clearly destroyed. Several other artifacts from the era, including personal sex aids, have been lost.

"How can you replace these things, " the owner, Louis Nuit-Grenouille, wondered. "Most of them had been brought over by immigrant ship, where 90% of them were pilferred by dishonest immigration officials. They are priceless mementos of a bygone era."

As many of the individuals inside the club waited on buses provided by the municipal transit company, an atmosphere of hope and renewal began to envelope the vehicle as a fireman exiting the building emerged with several working vibrators.

"Whether we reopen or not remains to be seen," Mr. Nuit-Grenouille stated. "A lot of it depends on time, money, and a clientelle that can overcome the trauma of such a tragedy. We will need support of the public health care system to provide us with free viagra and counselling in order for these people to return to our business."

Still, the smoldering embers and the sickening smell of smoke may force many to take up golf instead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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