Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 19 June 2009

image for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Hires Karl Rove As Consultant In Iran Election

(Teheran-Iran) The result of the most recent Iranian election, re-electing conservative Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as President over reform candidate Mir Hossein Musavi, has caused protests in Iran amid rumors of election rigging. And the recent pronouncement by Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei that the 12-member Council of Guardians will investigate the results has not helped. In a bold move today, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced that he would be hiring Karl Rove as a consultant.

Rove is no stranger to controversy, serving as George W. Bush's Chief Strategist in the 2000 Presidential Election and subsequently as his White House Deputy Chief of Staff until 2007. "I feel the one that the spawn of the Great Satan calls 'Turd Blossom' will bring fourth a garden of results that will smell most sweet in the nostrils of the Iranian people," said Ahmadinejad at a press conference. "As with the Jewish state of Florida, Rove was able to explain to the wily ones the correct mathematics, so will he be able to do in Iran."

Karl Rove, who since departing from the Bush administration and when Congress is not subpoenaing him works as a consultant for the fair and balanced Fox network, has accepted the offer. In a written statement Rove said, "President Bush had faith that his Iraq policy in the Middle East would result in a democracy. However, he could have never imagined it would happen in Iran and that it would be a Republican democracy that dawned at the beginning of this century in November of 2000."

In the same statement, Rove admitted that there would be challenges, but it was all a matter of perspective. "There are those reform protesters who say that an Ayatollah inviting both candidates to express their concerns before a religious council goes against the principle of separation of church and state. First, since we know the only Savior is Jesus Christ, this isn't really a religious council but a moral group of people, very much like the Fundamentalists in the United States."

Rove also addressed directly the allegations of election rigging. "Let us look to the resolution by law of the 2000 U.S. Presidential Election as the guide. After a while counting ballots has to give way to reason. Two plus two is four. Three plus one is four. But ten minus six is four. So I ask you, what is four?"

Republican Governor Sarah Palin, though no one asked her, gave her opinion at a fundraiser to which she wasn't invited but to which she decided to go and speak anyway. "Karl Rove showing the people of Iran how elections are run makes me proud to be an American. It makes me proud to be a Republican. I also want to say that President Ahmadinejad never said a baseball player knocked up my daughter. I have no gripe with him. You betcha."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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