Written by Morse
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 6 December 2009

image for Amanda Knox & Lorena Bobbitt Endose New UK Pointless Knife!
Knox & Bobbitt Agree: Pointless Knife Great to Julienne Your Lover's Joint!

An accused murderess and a scorned wife who gelded her former husband, have both come out to endorse a pointless knife designed to cut down stabbing crimes in the UK.

The knife inventor who designed the kitchen utensil said he was inspired to manufacture the implement after seeing a special on a rash of criminal acts perpetuated by pointed kitchen utensils used in violent crimes.

Amanda Knox, the US student still on trial in Italy after 8 years of incarceration where she allegedly participated in sex games resulting in the STABBING death of her British room mate, was given the opportunity to field test the utensil while being held in solitary confinement.

Knox said she welcomed the respite from the daily conjugal visits she had won by petitioning the ACLU to act on her behalf since she had been deprived of her sexual rights while waiting so long for a trial.

Knox said she had been able to satisfy the sexual desires of most of her fuck buddies on her Facebook page, and said if her trial dragged on much longer she could probably start on a second round for her fans.

Meanwhile, she said she was unable to kill any of the Italian rats that came out in her cell at night by stabbing at them, but when she was able to catch them and tie them down to her cot, she was easily able to cut their throats as the knife was very sharp, indeed.

Lorena Bobbitt, another adept woman with a sharp blade, said she put her new knife to work in the kitchen and gave it 5* for its user friendly handle, and exceeding sharp blade.

Bobbitt, who says she has recently reconciled with her ex Husband, formerly named Peter, but now called Pete for short after a joint replacement, said one light swipe with the blade prepared an 8" cucumber into wafer slim slices in a heartbeat.

DEBONAIR British TV chef and personality SKOOB 1999, said it wouldn't do for DEBONING, but was fine for normal kitchen duties and as a backup for the usual soccer blood letting during away games in Scotland where "slicing and dicing saved the day on a crowded pitch...."

The knife is set to sell for between $60-80 and has also been approved for use by other Desperate Housewives throughout the EU.

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.



Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.




Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

4 14 20 10
62 readers are online right now!

Go to top