Written by DaDougster
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Topics: North Korea

Sunday, 14 June 2009

PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korea responded Saturday to more United Nations sanctions and another, even firmer, denouncement from the U.S. Secretary of State in a statement on the North's official Korean Central News Agency Saturday.

According to the KCNA, the news service the North Korean Information Minister said "We'll take firm military action if the United States and its allies try to isolate us." He was also quoted as saying that his nation would "weaponize" its existing plutonium stockpiles and begin a program to enrich uranium, which can also be used to make atomic warheads.

Describing the sanctions resolution as a "vile product" of a US-inspired campaign, Pyongyang Paul said it would never abandon nuclear weapons and would treat any attempt to blockade it as an act of war. When reminded that North Korea was still officially at war with the US he shouted, "Then we shall declare war again, we will be at double-war! Our initial assessment is that they will all die, the U.S. should surrender now or be burned in their tanks, we have destroyed 2 battleships, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - we have driven them back. We're giving them a real lesson today. Heavy doesn't accurately describe the level of casualties we have inflicted."

"I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for the Americans", the North Korean Information Minister continued, "No I am not scared, and neither should you be God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Koreans, they are stupid, they are stupid [dramatic pause] and they are condemned! The Americans, they always depend on a method what I call... stupid, silly. All I ask is check yourself. Do not in fact repeat their lies, I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place."

"We have them surrounded in their tanks now even the American command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are embargoing them and it is not them who embargo us. We have placed them in a quagmire from which they can never emerge except dead."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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