Tehran, Iran, Yesterday - Winner of the Iranian Election '09 President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad vowed "Fiery vengeance for centuries of western oppression" in his victory speech in Tehran's Mahmoud Ahmedinejad Exhibition and Conference Centre yesterday.
A huge audience of his supporters heard how Iran would, "Crush Zionism and destroy America," in a "Real rain of burning righteousness. With this landslide victory, the mandate of the Holy Nation of Iran has been given to me to do this. It is Iran's destiny to cleanse the world."
Meanwhile defeated presidential rival Mir Hosein Mousavi was in hiding after saying the election was "Not free and fair and the President is a crazy dictator" according to the Ministry of Information. "We don't know what he is talking about. These have been the freest and fairest elections Iran has seen since the Islamic Revolution. You see, everyone is happy here. Our President is very approachable. Mousavi is lying and ungrateful. But we will find him, and all enemies of freedom, and we will stop their Zionist lies."
Meanwhile, US military seismic sources in Iraq have reported detecting "Vibrations" suggesting "Possible centrifuge activity" in the Iran area. "Although this not yet confirmed, it is indicative of Uranium enrichment for the production of nuclear missiles capable of reaching Israel and perhaps the US. It is possible that we should be very concerned. Defense spending should increase to reflect this threat."