Written by Wire Piddle
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Topics: swine flu, Pandemic, WHO

Thursday, 11 June 2009

image for Swine Flu Pandemic Is Official - WHO Demands More Pork Barrel Spending
Nigel Penquist - Visionary Interior Designer

Geneva, Switzerland - As World Health Organization officials announce a Swine Flu pandemic, their underlings are mounting a furious call for an influx of cash. Many see it as a good reason to upgrade their offices and facilities. The last world pandemic occurred 41 years ago and things have been getting a little ratty.

Nigel Penquist, famed European interior designer, has already started submitting receipts. Said Nigel "Well, the thing is, most of these offices need a complete do-over. They're simply appalling. I think they got their decorative ideas from Stalin. Lots of down-market color, shag carpets and useless knick knacks. I mean who can honestly say they want to show up for work at their prestigious accounting job only to have to look at a cubist representational painting of a strand of DNA. And the courtyard statues remind me of red blood cells in a hurricane. I say enough."

Working closely with an unnamed though noteworthy architect, Nigel has come up with a new design for the World Health Organization facilities.

"I envision a wide circular, transparent building in the shape of a Petri dish. From the center will rise a glass tower, like a glass dropper used in a lab. The roof of the parking lot will look like a protective face mask, like the one's common people wear during a pandemic."

Further to the design of the new facilities in Geneva, Mr. Penquist announced, "...and if there are any funds left over we'd like to build an adjacent amusement park, complete with rides, attractions and onsite hotel, all surrounding the theme of world health. Imagine, if you will, a roller coaster that takes you on a journey through the human digestive system. Or, perhaps, a water flume ride resembling the urinary tract. The possibilities are endless."

Although a lot of Mr. Penquist's ideas are obtuse, many members of the world political community have been impressed.

European Community representative, Uli Ruprecht states, "Nigel may be extravagant but I think most people will be won over by his enthusiasm, his exuberance and his total lack of humility when it comes to spending what is mainly American taxpayer's money. Many bureaucrats have succeeded with this winning combination of personality traits. Nigel will be no exception."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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