Written by Badminton
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Topics: Earth, Europe, Equator

Sunday, 7 June 2009

After years of being settled neatly between the Tropics of Cancer and Capricorn, sources close to the Equator yesterday sensationally revealed that it feels like it's time to move on.

Though no facts are currently available, and are unlikely to appear in time, it is now beyond doubt that the Equator will be moving to a new European location in the next 6 months.

It has been strongly suggested by Martin Clunes that the global credit crisis has played a large role in the Equator's increasing level of unhappiness in its current location. "Ordinary people are feeling the pinch in recent times, and unfortunately the Equator is not immune from the terrible financial situation which has developed over the last 6 months" explained Clunes, a childhood friend of the "World's Waistband".

England football captain John Terry has welcomed the development, citing the potential positive impact on eradicating global poverty. "I haven't spoken to The Equator personally," Terry told reporters at England's training ground this morning, "but everyone fancies a change once in a while, and I'd be delighted if it decided to move to England".

However, former Working Lunch presenter Adam Shaw believes the cost of living in Europe could be a sticking point. "After years of living in Africa, The Equator will be used to paying next to nothing for everyday items like brillo pads and gaffa tape, but yesterday I payed more than £7 for a two pack of lightbulbs. It was either that or sit at home in the dark, and that was something I didn't want to happen."

Jet 2 pilot Tommy Sharalamboosh was yesterday unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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