The world was reeling today, though not rocking, as the United States of America finally found a people they could defeat in a war.
The Leeward Islands - population 144, industries: sunbathing and swimming, language: vague, vegetation:marijuana, sport: cricketmon - put up incredible resistance against the 250 million US soldiers, and managed to kill 180 million of them in between smoke breaks and watching the Test Match on an old TV.
'Righteous', said Leeward Islands generalissimo Sir Ganja de Rollmop, 'they Yanks is so bad, bad at fighting. Hanyone can beat them, that's why they needs their films about winning wars, right. Too funny, too funny ... is good stuff, this.'
'We only lose de war 'cos we got bored shooting Americans. Man, even Vietnam beat dem suckers! And they actually thinks they is in Iraq and Afghanistan for democracy. Suckers, they is in two British colonies doing what Britain says them to. Comin' for another swim, Charlene?'
For years the world has wondered why Americans think they can win wars, when they never have, and are seen as cannon fodder by 99% of the human population, but one British general, Sir Eton Rifle, said:
'Well, whenever we need our colonies defended, and need mugs to go and die to do it, we phone up Washington DC and tell 'em where to go. Wouldn't surprise me if the idiots would even go and try and make some sort of peace in the Balkans - a place that's been fighting genocidal wars for over a thousand wars! Good old Yanks, the world's children.'
At least Americans have a piece of coloured cloth to look up to. Invented by the British. And their own language. Invented by the British. And won the American Revolutionary War. Which was won by ... the British, as all the people that fought in it were ... British. The USA, Britain's last remaining colony, available for parties, suicidal wars, and self-delusion, at no cost to the British public.
Saddam Hussein's double is 64 today.