Atlanta - The mystery of the on-and-off again absence of famous writer Duncan Whitehead has been solved with his admission that he has taken on part-time employment as pool-boy to CNN Morning Express celebrity Robin Meade to supplement his full-time ongoing dissipation.
"Not a hard job really. Robin comes home just after 10 a.m. and expects to have the towels out by the pool by then. They come pre-folded on a truck once month so it only takes a couple of minutes."
"She likes to relax so I usually rub her down with coconut oil head to toe and service her as she wishes. I don't mind at all, though she does kind of go a bit nasal now and then when speaking as you may have noticed."
"Then we share some lemonade and I regale her with top stories from TheSpoof.com, mine of course, and try to talk her into slipping one into the news on her show.
She laughs and says she just might some day but I know she is too professional to try it."
"I get lunch to myself. After a bowl of ramen noodles I try and squeeze in a peek to The.Spoof.com forums to see if anyone misses me."
"Back at work Robin and I go over her candid shots advertising her show. She likes my opinion. I always pick the shot with her holding one hand on her hip, left or right it doesn't matter, but have not let her in on my little secret."
"I'm hoping she will take me on full time."