Written by matwil
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Friday, 29 May 2009

image for French commemorate D-Day
'French? Where?'

The people of France held many memorials today, to commemorate all the French men that had died valiantly during the 1944 D-Day landings.

That soldier, Monsieur Anatole de la Drapeau Blanche, died near Caen, in Normandy, after vainly trying to eat his restaurant's entire supply of food before the Allies arrived at his town.

'It was tragique', Lieutenant General Marshall d'Oliday en Londres said at the ceremony. 'One minute he was trying to paint over the swastika he'd painted on to his French flag, the next minute he suddenly caught food poisoning from eating too many smoked snails, at Le Diner Des Collaborateurs.'

'And then, as thousands of British and Americans troops advanced across northern France, fighting the Wehrmacht and Waffen SS to the death over mile after mile, that brave Frenchman suddenly remembered that he might lose his cellar full of champagne to the Allied forces, and already weakened by the food-poisoning, he died suddenly from un attaque de la coeur.'

Across France millions were remembering their hero, some even shouting 'Vive la France!' and 'Vive le surrendre!', and in M. de la Drapeau Blanche's home town of Allo d'Aleaux, the mayor proudly said:

'Never in the field of French conflict have so many done so little for so few. We shall surrender to them in the streets with a growing lack of confidence, we shall surrender to them in the fields, we shall surrender to them in the bistros and in the cafes, in the patisseries and in the boulangeries, we shall surrender to them on the beaches. We shall always surrender.'

And as the townsfolk saluted the white French flag, while the 'Marseillaise' proudly played, the mayor muttered 'Well, if Americans can claim to win World War Two, after the British Commonwealth and the Soviet Union had fought Germany for five years, and when long before 1944 it was only a matter of time before the Nazis would be defeated, then so can the French.'

'Vive la lack of difference!'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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