Written by Lettuce
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Wednesday, 27 May 2009

image for North Korea halts nuclear tests after NZ condemnation
NZ: We're not kidding around.

North Korea has today halted its nuclear weapons tests after condemnation by New Zealand's Prime Minister John Key.  The skeleton of the "Great Leader" Kim Jong-il was said to be concerned after a country he'd never heard of, led by a Prime Minister he'd never heard of ,condemned North Korea's actions. 

North Korea conducted its second nuclear test in 3 years and received a right old telling off from the UN for it, however it was not until New Zealand condemned its nuclear ambitions that Kim Jong-il saw the error of North Korea's ways.  That is of course, once someone pointed to where New Zealand was on a world map, and explained to the Great Leader "you know, where they filmed Lord Of The Rings".  To which he replied "oh yes, beautiful scenery".

Despite the fact that North Korea is the most militarised country in the world, with the world's 4th largest army, including 1.1 million armed personnel with a reserve guard of 4.7 million and annual military spending of NZ$10 billion.  The threat of New Zealand sending over their 4500 regular personal and possibly their 2500 reserves and maybe a frigate or two was enough for North Korea to not only halt weapon testing but to dismantle all their weapons.

America also condemned the tests under their "only we can have weapons of mass destruction" foreign policy. Although it is thought that this is unlikely to have anything to do with the halt to nuclear testing and missile firing by North Korea.

NZ Prime Minister John Key had said that he would if necessary "suspend trade with North Korea", but he later withdrew this statement when an aid informed him that New Zealand does not currently trade with North Korea and apparently they can get perfectly good Marmite from China anyway.

Opposition leader Phil Goff, also condemned the nuclear tests, but it is thought that this has little to do with North Korea halting their nuclear tests.  As no one in New Zealand has heard of him, it is unlikely he's known in North Korea.

A spokesman for the North Korean communist regime said: "Yes, we have stopped testing following New Zealand's condemnation. However you should be wary, at his age the Great Leader gets confused very easily so may change his mind and bomb New Zealand to smithereens."

North Korea now joins other countries such as Zimbabwe, Iran, Israel and Afghanistan that have stopped being naughty after New Zealand condemned them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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