President Obama began perhaps his most difficult diplomatic mission so for by suggesting that Israel stop being a bunch of pricks and let the people of Palestine have their own state.
The White House talks have been billed as a discussion over two sharply conflicting approaches to peace in the region, one being that the two nations live in peace side by side, the other being they continue to blow the crap out of each other. President Obama continued that there would be many "difficult steps" towards peace, difficult because you enjoy "blowing the living shit out of each other".
President Obama suggested that if Israel stops bombing Palestine, then maybe Iran will consider not bombing Israel with their rapidly forming nuclear arsenal. The Prime Minister of Israel, Mr Netanyahu, however stated that Israel could not take that risk and would have to continue to follow the Bush Doctrine and "blow the fuck out of any bastard which looks at us cock-eye".
Obama assured Israel that "America still loves you, just maybe not as much as Bush". He assured Israel that they could still use disproportionate force to kill innocent Palestinians, but now only once a year and for one month out of the year, instead of whenever they felt like it. In response Prime Minister Netanyahu stated that he disapproved of America's softening view of Iran with their hardening view towards Israel, he then called Obama a "dirty great Mussie lover".
In response to the formation of a Palestinian state the Mr Netanyahu said: "To allow a Palestinian state, might be OK if the elected government weren't Hamas, a bunch of nut job terrorists. True, they only got elected because we kept dropping cluster bomb after cluster bomb on civilian houses, but seriously, these Muslim states and the UN get so worked up over cluster bombs, depleted uranium and white phosphorus".