Washington (AP) Late last evening an eight alarm blaze completely destroyed the entire White House! Fire and rescue teams from all over the District and nearby Virginia suburbs were called to attempt to save the Presidential residence and executive suites, but by 2AM it was clear the White House was a total loss. Fire Marshals have determined that the blaze was started when President Bush tied firecrackers onto Barney's tail in some kind of "Bush family July 4th tradition" that the President claims has never caused any problem in the past. His father, the 41st President said, "What the hell's that boy talking about?" Clearly the old man was quite embarrassed by his son's July 4th celebration. Laura Bush sat on the front lawn---trying to calm down Barney and combing out all the burnt hair from his tail.
Meanwhile down at the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue, Senator Ted Kennedy spoke with reporters: "I think this President has really screwed up this time. Who's going to vote for a Republican who's already burned down the White House? I think Senator Kerry will have an easy time this fall. Come to think of it, I just might toss my hat into the ring. This may be the only chance I'll ever get!"