Washington,DC/ Center of Toxic Fallout - Vice President, "Say It Ain't So" Joe Biden, only a heart beat away from the Presidency, has done it again, this time leaving House Speaker Nancy Pelosi with nowhere to hide after she opened Pandora's Box on herself claiming the CIA lied to Congress and the World on Terrorist interrogation techniques.
Earlier in the week, at a Media kiss up/suck up meet and greet, the ever Suave VP let slip that the super secret HQ for the VP during times of national emergency was located right beneath the government housing he was afforded by being next in line to the Messiah.
With the secret out, the hideaway was no longer "secure" for official use, and the Government Accounting Office was forced to list the entire property for sale with a Century 21 Agent in order to get it off the books and clear the way for the purchase and rehab of another Vice Presidential abode.
According to Government sources, Secretary of the Treasury Tim Geithner had to sign off for the property as it is being treated as a "short sale" with the American Taxpayer now having to pick up over $18m in losses since the property is currently "underwater" in relation to the rest of the neighborhood's appraised value.. Most of the cost is associated with the extensive renovations that had been made in the name of national security for prior administrations.
In the meantime, Pelosi who had counted on hiding out with Joe in his basement till the latest shit storm blew over, is said to have been attempting to call in favors all over Washington, begging anyone who would listen that she "just needed to get away for awhile" and could she move into their guest house?
Insiders report Charlie Wrangle(sic) told her his Dominican Guest House was all booked up, at least until all ethics charges were dropped.
Eliot Spitzer, whose father just bought him an apartment complex next to the Mayflower Hotel (hot), said renovations weren't completed yet and they were still waiting for certificates of occupancy.
Apparently after the recent Scare Force One episode over NYC, air force personnel were being especially careful about honoring plane reservations, and told the Speaker she couldn't just "hang out in the master bedroom and use the mini bar" while the plane was on the tarmac at Dulles International.
A Liberal Washington blogger, pissed at being plagiarized, leaked to the Spoof that Pelosi was able to book a flight on the personal G5 of an influential Democratic Contributor, and was on her way to American Somoa.
Apparently the South Korean owners of Star Kist Tuna, recently purchased from Del Monte Corp. in a sweetheart deal negotiated by the Pelosi real estate trust, were set to offer her temporary asylum and all the fresh tuna salad and Sushi she could handle.
Meanwhile the secret service announced that it was again forced to change all the locks on the Nuclear Satchel, and reprogram all launch codes until Jilly Biden and the Surgeon General could attest that the VP would no longer talk out of his ass...even if he used someone else's words.