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Topics: accident, sick

Friday, 2 July 2004

image for Saddam: "The Gassing of the Kurds was a huge mistake, I was sick!"
"I asked him to just pull on my finger"

Saddam demonstrates how the gassing of the Kurds was an "Accident"

Iraq - AP Today in court a defiant and confident Saddam Hussein pleaded not guilty to a barrage of charges that were laid out before him. One of which was the gassing of the Kurds in the early 90's. "That was a big misunderstanding and an accident" Hussein told the court. Apparently Saddam and his generals had a party the night before the gassing commenced and his entire cabinet got sick from all of the food they had. As Saddam put it, "We were so sick that one of my most prized camels fell over after my Foreign Minister farted."

What was Saddam cooking? As he tells it, he was visiting the Kurds, when Saddam felt a huge knot in his stomach. "I keeled over, and was in a lot of pain… so much pain that I actually shit in my pants." Saddam continued to give his graphic testimony, until the entire court room was shocked, as a silent whisper went through the packed court room. As Saddam puts it, he thought it would have been a funny joke to tell Abid Hamid Mahmud his personal secretary to pull his finger. What happened next shocked Saddam and the rest of his comrades.

"It was if my ass was the center of an h-bomb. I couldn't stop it once it started, entire villages were flattened by my flatulence." "To this day, I can not even begin to ask someone to pull my finger for fear that I may wipe out the entire country of Iraq." Saddam asked for sympathy for his aliments, and forcefully denied any malicious intent to gas the Kurds. "It was all so tragic, and horrible", Saddam continued. "I felt bad that people were dropping like flies because of the stench that escaped me"

After these comments, the hearing decided to take a break, for fear that Saddam hadn't used the facilities in a while, once the hearing resumed everyone was cautious to see if Saddam Hussein might be packing heat. When asked what he had for lunch today, Hussein told the reporter that he had "a lot of fiber". Only time will tell if another accidental gassing will take place, but this time, everyone in the courtroom will be ready.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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