Jerusalem - (Dome of the Northern Rock Bank Mess): As the sun begins its apocalyptic ascent over Jerusalem's fabled Mound of Olives on Wednesday's Feast of Our Lady's Ultimate Fatima Secret a massive cardiac infarction becons Pope Joe Ratzinger's lawfully wedded succubus wife back at her grace and favor squat of Buckingham Palace.
All week long the Nazi papacy's top shoo-in has beseeched his Maker for an omen to guide his faltering hand, weakened by decades of aerobic self-mortification of the lower pelvic girdle during the much-prophesied altar boy drought years of the 21st century.
Then on Tuesday night an apparition of the Mesopotamian storm demon Lilith weakened Papa Ratzi's celibate resolve during a hellish nightmare where all seven deadly demons danced on his priapus.
Suddenly Lucifer, Mammon, Asmodeus, Leviathan, Beelzebub, Satan/Amon and Belphegor all jumped into a Papal pilgrimage portable aspersorium - or holy water bucket - along with Ratzi's own flesh and blood sons Lord Levy and Vladimir Putin.
Out of the blue a vision of the Missus then appeared in front of Joseph, gave the silver aspersorium a tremendous left-footer and immediately keeled over onto the Pontifical prayer mat, dead as a dodo.
Somewhere in the background the dulcet strains of Edward Elgar/Cardinal Newman's apocalyptic Dream of Gerontius magnum opus could be heard as the skies opened.....