Written by Stone Riprock
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Topics: China, beijing

Thursday, 1 July 2004

image for China Renames Itself

BEIJING - The Revolutionary Council of the People's Republic of China announced today that, effective August 1, China's official name will become the "U.S. Cellular People's Republic." The announcement came only hours after the signing of an agreement that has been negotiated behind the scenes for months.

U.S. Cellular CEO Scott Fortier said the deal generates synergies for both sides. "China...or rather, the U.S. Cellular People's Republic...gets millions of dollars in much-needed hard currency. We get the chance to promote our brand on a truly global scale."

There are still puzzling difficulties to be worked out. As Liu Chen Won, a restaurant owner in Kansas City, put it, "We no can say, 'Thank you for calling Golden Wok U.S. Cellular People's Republic food, what I get you. That sound silly."

Officials from neighboring Russia threaten to close the national sponsor gap. They were close to a deal renaming Russia to the Confederated States of Benetton, but the jeans manufacturer backed out when Russian president Vladimir Putin insisted on being Benetton's top model.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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