BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Saddam Hussein stepped into an Iraqi court on Thursday and entered a new chapter in Iraq's history, hearing preliminary charges against him that included the gassing of Kurds and the invasion of Kuwait.
When he was ushered into the court, the judge asked him his name and twice he said, "I am Saddam Hussein, the president of Iraq."
As multiple charges were presented, Saddam Hussein interrupted the judge proclaiming, "It is not my fault. I'm not a bad man, you see. I have only one testicle!" he announced, thrusting one finger into the air. "When I was a child in Tikrit, I fell off my bicycle and injured myself; the doctors had to remove one of my testicles."
"Do you know what it is like," Saddam continued, "to grow up in the ghettos of Iraq with only one testicle? How would YOU like to be called 'Little Saddam One Nut'? Even my family made fun of me. It was so bad that I could no longer perform for my wives. The pain and embarrassment drove me to do unspeakable things to my countrymen."
The judge reprimanded him for his language.
"This is all a theater" designed by President Bush, whom he called a criminal, to win re-election, said Saddam, looking around the court with a half-smile during one outburst. He accused President Bush of having NO testicles, and gloated at being more of a man than the mighty President of the United States of America. "At least I have ONE testicle," Saddam shouted.
Upon exiting the courtroom under the guard of U.S. servicemen, Saddam was overheard saying, "I'm just glad Bush is president and not that Janet Reno. Talk about testicles! Allah akbhar!"
Saddam and the others were transferred to Iraqi legal custody on Wednesday, but they remain in U.S. military hands. Another hearing is to be scheduled pending the procurement of legal council for the deposed leader, as well as a medical examination to confirm his claims of a missing testicle. Dr. Phil has been placed on retainer to counsel Saddam regarding his loss.