Beijing, China - (Hand-rolling Mess): Local government workers have been given orders to double their weekly nicotine consumption after the Ministry of Health officials complained about improving life expectancy rates of Chinese pensioners.
The edict insists a mere twenty-a-day habit is bad for the economy and insufficient to meet national heart and respiratory disease expectations.
China reckons to have some 500 million smokers and recently claimed that 'only about a million of them die each year from smoking-related illnesses'.
Another 200-odd million citizens apparently 'should make a patriotic effort' to bring the numbers up to scratch.
Tobacco consumption remains the country's top official killer after years of lagging behind state-sponsored executions.