Across the world today thousands of people died in car crashes, but incredibly they all caught swine 'flu just minutes before dying.
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said: 'This shows how dangerous the 'flu is. The government have spent thirty million pounds on stockpiling swine 'flu vaccinations for drivers, in case they fall victim to the virus during fatal car crashes, while falling off bridges, in gas mains explosions, or when being impaled by knives during knife-throwing acts at circuses.'
'This will help prevent the 'flu spreading to others across the country, such as those being struck by lightning, or savaged by lions that have escaped from safari parks.'
And in Washington D.C., American President Barack Obama added: 'We shall, we will, we will shall also will will ourselves to use vaccines to ensure, that as hundreds of Americans are shot dead every week by drug-crazed schoolchildren, they will not suffer what is the worst crisis to hit mankind since avian 'flu. Yes, my election.'
'No, no, only kidding, wave, grin, wave, what we are now facing is such an enormously devastingly potential risk to the very basis of the human race itself. Never before have so many hyperboles been used by so many feeble world leaders about what is - after all - far more serious than thousands of car crashes every day.'
'Or collapsing bridges. Or gas explosions, high school massacres, chemical warfare, carpet bombing of Middle Eastern civilians by Americans, and the Earth being hit by a massive asteroid.'
'This ( which 'flu is it this week, Jim? Asian? Avian? Swine, OK ) swine 'flu will possibly be worse than the bubonic plague, and like the plague it will rather conveniently take me and Mr. Brown's already disastrous terms in office out of the headlines, just as it did with Oliver Cromwell's. Thanks, pigs!'
Meanwhile, scientists were desperately working across the Western world to try and develop a new form of 'flu, one that could be released into the public as soon as more news about corrupt world leaders and pointless wars - and bank frauds - needed to be buried.
'It's hard work', Professor David Kelly said in England, 'but we'll keep on working on developing something like pigeon 'flu or dandelion 'flu, or die trying to do it. Oh, I already did.'
Next week, three people catch a mouse, and it's reported across the world with reporters, maps, and even Presidents and Prime Ministers making announcements about it. Then a name is coined for the important outbreak - bullshitis, an often fatal condition for second-rate politicians.